TANPA RESTU LANGIT

ku coba tetap jejakkan kaki ini,
menyusuri jembatan cahaya di kaki senja,
menorehkan asa tuk merengkuh keindahan semu,
merebahkan raga di sudut pelataran cakrawala,
berharap langit mengerti kerinduanku,
yang terperangkap dalam senyuman penguasa malam,

namun sekejap, sirnalah daya perindu yang lemah ini,

mengunduh rasa yang terbuang dibelantara savana sarat duri,
ketika jalan bagiku merasa nuansa asmara yang aku tapaki,
menoreh hina di alur kiblat semesta insan lainnya,
bahkan langitpun menatap culas dan tak merestuinya

diantara halimun yang menghalangi pandangan,
ku coba merabamu yang hampir tak terlihat lagi,
terlambat bagiku,

malam terlanjur mangadu jiwaku dengan kerinduan,
meski rembulan tak mampu membendung rasaku,
hingga ku temukan guratan kepiluan yang kutitipkan padanya,
membuatnya meredup tak seperti malam yang lalu,

kuberharap engkau kan tau,
Serpihan-serpihan rasa yang membebaniku,
walaupun jarak memisahkan aku denganmu,
walaupun mulut tak pernah berkata,
walaupun dirimu selalu meragu,
karena akulah merpati yang tersisa....

WISH YOU WERE HERE

Dirapuhnya daksa memapah laku,

tertatih mengikuti jejak waktu yang berlari,
menyusuri tambat menuju ujung pengembaraan,
mencoba bendung gugusan sejuta badai yang beririring,

Aku hanya diam mendengarmu bersuara,
membiarkan musim memasung kerinduan ini pada hujan,
demi arah memelukmu dari senja sampai subuh tiba,
dan catatlaholehmu tentang kepastianku,
aku tak akan pernah rela berpaling darimu,

Wahai kekasih yang terdampar di senyum mentari pagi,
jika kau percaya hamparan lagit menyatu,
jika kau yakini hembusan angin seraga dalam tak kasat,
akan ku tuliskan bait-bait kehampaan jiwaku pada birunya cakrawala,
akan kunyanyikan senandung rindu lewat semilir bayu,
dan kan kupeluk bayangmu lewat sunyi dan dentingan malam,

dan ketahuilah insan terindah,
dalam lirih ku bisikkan lewat isyarat ilalang kering,
I wish you to be here with me...

WHO AM I?!

Actually there are a million doubts that strikes my mind, when I want to expose all this, There is a whisper to myself, "do not need you to post this on the blog, this is not for public consumption!"
well ... something like that. Is this what is called fear conveyhonesty? Ashamed of myself? Or The lack of courage to express feelings? I do not know .....
Clearly there are many in this mind that must be removed .....
And with the support of people who have been ‘the most beautiful man’, then my courage to start telling ...

IF people were given the opportunity by God to choose, of course I do not want to be born as a gay. Sometimes the subject of derision, considered a mental illness, even not infrequently accused of degrading human values.
It hurts. But I realized all of this is the twist of the God. God already outlined my destiny. And, like it or not, I must accept this fact as a natural.
I was the second of three brothers of the family came from Jogja and stay in Yogyakarta. Since childhood, I feel there is a difference with me, compared with men in general. I started to feel it when I was in elementary school. If not mistaken, I was a grade 3rd. At that time, the abnormalities start I feel is a feeling like the same sex. I sometimes feel strange with myself, and even asked myself: I'm not a guy who supposed to be like women?! But what's with me?!
As moved on junior high school, my mind told me I was different with most people. I continue to find out about me through a magazine about the disorder that I have. Turmoil and my quest was to make me a quiet and shy. until finally I was growing up, I fell in love with a man and think that's what makes me miserable.
To get rid of it I think a lot of reading and keep myself busy. By reading my knowledge increases and be confident but still covering myself.
One time, I read an article saying that gay is not a sexual disorder. Gay is a term for a man who directs his sexual orientation to other men or also known as the man who loves men, both physically, sexually, emotionally or spiritually, Psychologically, gay is a man full of love. They also average somewhat concerned appearance, and very concerned about what had happened to her partner.
But then I explain that I am not the type of gay man who deliberately seek prey. If my openness in the mother and my brother, not yet.
Huft..., for a while maybe it was a new one I can tell my friends. Because I am confused about what kind of story. But clearly the story of the search for identity.
I also want to say to those who do not know, that gay is not the desire of man but already from destiny. if you are interested, I will also tell you my life to be made in the book. Because I was not a brilliant writer but still an amateur.
Although I was gay, do not regard it's a nasty. Far from my heart was gay, no one wanted to born like this. But how else would not think it made sense to make it taste that has been there since birth, the taste is from the creator that we can not deny. Just as God created day and night but god also not forget make sunrise and sunset. And why do we as ordinary people have to judge a fellow human being that's it …

now you all know who I am ....
further, up to you!