Dear
Sheva, since I know you, I am very happy to know you.
I believe that you are a honest and good person, and to be honest:
Sheva is a good man, which always makes papa comfort,
Sheva is a funny person, always makes papa smile,
Sheva is a smart person, which always makes papa amazed,
Sheva is a multi talented person, always makes papa proud.
Sheva is a self-reliant, hardworking, and modest, always makes papa be in one's
glory
Papa proud of you, Sheva!
I like you and I love you.
thanks...
You gave rainbow and colour to my life.
Because I am older than you are, I like to advice you to be very careful in the
world.
you are a good person.
so please please please be careful.
you are so young, only 22 years and you have a future to live.
Now you do have Someone (RS) as a good friend and I am happy for you.
I ask you this because Papa love you so much.
hope you understand me, Sheva, because papa care about you.
please promise me always to be careful
I hope you will accept my advice...
*THANKS PAPA...
SHEVA MISS YOU...
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
TANPA RESTU LANGIT
ku
coba tetap jejakkan kaki ini,
menyusuri jembatan cahaya di kaki senja,
menorehkan asa tuk merengkuh keindahan semu,
merebahkan raga di sudut pelataran cakrawala,
berharap langit mengerti kerinduanku,
yang terperangkap dalam senyuman penguasa malam,
menyusuri jembatan cahaya di kaki senja,
menorehkan asa tuk merengkuh keindahan semu,
merebahkan raga di sudut pelataran cakrawala,
berharap langit mengerti kerinduanku,
yang terperangkap dalam senyuman penguasa malam,
namun sekejap, sirnalah daya perindu yang lemah ini,
mengunduh
rasa yang terbuang dibelantara savana sarat duri,
ketika jalan bagiku merasa nuansa asmara yang aku tapaki,
menoreh hina di alur kiblat semesta insan lainnya,
bahkan langitpun menatap culas dan tak merestuinya
ketika jalan bagiku merasa nuansa asmara yang aku tapaki,
menoreh hina di alur kiblat semesta insan lainnya,
bahkan langitpun menatap culas dan tak merestuinya
diantara halimun yang menghalangi pandangan,
ku coba merabamu yang hampir tak terlihat lagi,
terlambat bagiku,
malam
terlanjur mangadu jiwaku dengan kerinduan,
meski rembulan tak mampu membendung rasaku,
hingga ku temukan guratan kepiluan yang kutitipkan padanya,
membuatnya meredup tak seperti malam yang lalu,
kuberharap engkau kan tau,
Serpihan-serpihan rasa yang membebaniku,
walaupun jarak memisahkan aku denganmu,
walaupun mulut tak pernah berkata,
walaupun dirimu selalu meragu,
karena akulah merpati yang tersisa....
meski rembulan tak mampu membendung rasaku,
hingga ku temukan guratan kepiluan yang kutitipkan padanya,
membuatnya meredup tak seperti malam yang lalu,
kuberharap engkau kan tau,
Serpihan-serpihan rasa yang membebaniku,
walaupun jarak memisahkan aku denganmu,
walaupun mulut tak pernah berkata,
walaupun dirimu selalu meragu,
karena akulah merpati yang tersisa....
WISH YOU WERE HERE
Dirapuhnya daksa
memapah laku,
tertatih mengikuti jejak waktu yang berlari,
menyusuri tambat menuju ujung pengembaraan,
mencoba bendung gugusan sejuta badai yang beririring,
Aku hanya diam mendengarmu bersuara,
membiarkan musim memasung kerinduan ini pada hujan,
demi arah memelukmu dari senja sampai subuh tiba,
dan catatlaholehmu tentang kepastianku,
aku tak akan pernah rela berpaling darimu,
Wahai kekasih yang terdampar di senyum mentari pagi,
jika kau percaya hamparan lagit menyatu,
jika kau yakini hembusan angin seraga dalam tak kasat,
akan ku tuliskan bait-bait kehampaan jiwaku pada birunya cakrawala,
akan kunyanyikan senandung rindu lewat semilir bayu,
dan kan kupeluk bayangmu lewat sunyi dan dentingan malam,
dan ketahuilah insan terindah,
dalam lirih ku bisikkan lewat isyarat ilalang kering,
I wish you to be here with me...
menyusuri tambat menuju ujung pengembaraan,
mencoba bendung gugusan sejuta badai yang beririring,
Aku hanya diam mendengarmu bersuara,
membiarkan musim memasung kerinduan ini pada hujan,
demi arah memelukmu dari senja sampai subuh tiba,
dan catatlaholehmu tentang kepastianku,
aku tak akan pernah rela berpaling darimu,
Wahai kekasih yang terdampar di senyum mentari pagi,
jika kau percaya hamparan lagit menyatu,
jika kau yakini hembusan angin seraga dalam tak kasat,
akan ku tuliskan bait-bait kehampaan jiwaku pada birunya cakrawala,
akan kunyanyikan senandung rindu lewat semilir bayu,
dan kan kupeluk bayangmu lewat sunyi dan dentingan malam,
dan ketahuilah insan terindah,
dalam lirih ku bisikkan lewat isyarat ilalang kering,
I wish you to be here with me...
WHO AM I?!
Actually there are a million doubts that strikes my mind, when I want to expose all this, There is a whisper to myself, "do not need you to post this on the blog, this is not for public consumption!"
well ... something like that. Is this what is called fear conveyhonesty? Ashamed of myself? Or The lack of courage to express feelings? I do not know .....
Clearly there are many in this mind that must be removed .....
And with the support of people who have been ‘the most beautiful man’, then my courage to start telling ...
IF people were given the opportunity by God to choose, of course I do not want to be born as a gay. Sometimes the subject of derision, considered a mental illness, even not infrequently accused of degrading human values.
It hurts. But I realized all of this is the twist of the God. God already outlined my destiny. And, like it or not, I must accept this fact as a natural.
I was the second of three brothers of the family came from Jogja and stay in Yogyakarta. Since childhood, I feel there is a difference with me, compared with men in general. I started to feel it when I was in elementary school. If not mistaken, I was a grade 3rd. At that time, the abnormalities start I feel is a feeling like the same sex. I sometimes feel strange with myself, and even asked myself: I'm not a guy who supposed to be like women?! But what's with me?!
As moved on junior high school, my mind told me I was different with most people. I continue to find out about me through a magazine about the disorder that I have. Turmoil and my quest was to make me a quiet and shy. until finally I was growing up, I fell in love with a man and think that's what makes me miserable.
To get rid of it I think a lot of reading and keep myself busy. By reading my knowledge increases and be confident but still covering myself.
One time, I read an article saying that gay is not a sexual disorder. Gay is a term for a man who directs his sexual orientation to other men or also known as the man who loves men, both physically, sexually, emotionally or spiritually, Psychologically, gay is a man full of love. They also average somewhat concerned appearance, and very concerned about what had happened to her partner.
But then I explain that I am not the type of gay man who deliberately seek prey. If my openness in the mother and my brother, not yet.
Huft..., for a while maybe it was a new one I can tell my friends. Because I am confused about what kind of story. But clearly the story of the search for identity.
I also want to say to those who do not know, that gay is not the desire of man but already from destiny. if you are interested, I will also tell you my life to be made in the book. Because I was not a brilliant writer but still an amateur.
Although I was gay, do not regard it's a nasty. Far from my heart was gay, no one wanted to born like this. But how else would not think it made sense to make it taste that has been there since birth, the taste is from the creator that we can not deny. Just as God created day and night but god also not forget make sunrise and sunset. And why do we as ordinary people have to judge a fellow human being that's it …
now you all know who I am ....
further, up to you!
well ... something like that. Is this what is called fear conveyhonesty? Ashamed of myself? Or The lack of courage to express feelings? I do not know .....
Clearly there are many in this mind that must be removed .....
And with the support of people who have been ‘the most beautiful man’, then my courage to start telling ...
IF people were given the opportunity by God to choose, of course I do not want to be born as a gay. Sometimes the subject of derision, considered a mental illness, even not infrequently accused of degrading human values.
It hurts. But I realized all of this is the twist of the God. God already outlined my destiny. And, like it or not, I must accept this fact as a natural.
I was the second of three brothers of the family came from Jogja and stay in Yogyakarta. Since childhood, I feel there is a difference with me, compared with men in general. I started to feel it when I was in elementary school. If not mistaken, I was a grade 3rd. At that time, the abnormalities start I feel is a feeling like the same sex. I sometimes feel strange with myself, and even asked myself: I'm not a guy who supposed to be like women?! But what's with me?!
As moved on junior high school, my mind told me I was different with most people. I continue to find out about me through a magazine about the disorder that I have. Turmoil and my quest was to make me a quiet and shy. until finally I was growing up, I fell in love with a man and think that's what makes me miserable.
To get rid of it I think a lot of reading and keep myself busy. By reading my knowledge increases and be confident but still covering myself.
One time, I read an article saying that gay is not a sexual disorder. Gay is a term for a man who directs his sexual orientation to other men or also known as the man who loves men, both physically, sexually, emotionally or spiritually, Psychologically, gay is a man full of love. They also average somewhat concerned appearance, and very concerned about what had happened to her partner.
But then I explain that I am not the type of gay man who deliberately seek prey. If my openness in the mother and my brother, not yet.
Huft..., for a while maybe it was a new one I can tell my friends. Because I am confused about what kind of story. But clearly the story of the search for identity.
I also want to say to those who do not know, that gay is not the desire of man but already from destiny. if you are interested, I will also tell you my life to be made in the book. Because I was not a brilliant writer but still an amateur.
Although I was gay, do not regard it's a nasty. Far from my heart was gay, no one wanted to born like this. But how else would not think it made sense to make it taste that has been there since birth, the taste is from the creator that we can not deny. Just as God created day and night but god also not forget make sunrise and sunset. And why do we as ordinary people have to judge a fellow human being that's it …
now you all know who I am ....
further, up to you!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
*!* CORETAN SENJA YANG BERLALU MENGIKUTI BAYANGMU *!*
Meluncur sepiku menatap senja tak berkesudahan,
Ketika pesona semburat jingga menuntaskan bagaskara,
Ada sebuah rasa yang kian hambat di dada,
Tak jua datang waktu yang dinanti,
Tak kunjung henti suara batin merintih,
Seujung senja mengatupkan cahaya pendarnya,
Pelan namun pasti merobek lebar,
Hingga tiada lagi menaklukan mata,
Masih mencoba untuk setia,
Tak ada yang mampu bicara,
Bahkan rumput dan ilalangpun enggan bersuara,
Hingga inilah jadinya,
Jelas terdengar jasad rapuh ini berujar lantang,
Kuingin rebah dan leraikan letih,
Hari ini usaikan saja,
Sudah…
Ketika pesona semburat jingga menuntaskan bagaskara,
Ada sebuah rasa yang kian hambat di dada,
Tak jua datang waktu yang dinanti,
Tak kunjung henti suara batin merintih,
Seujung senja mengatupkan cahaya pendarnya,
Pelan namun pasti merobek lebar,
Hingga tiada lagi menaklukan mata,
Masih mencoba untuk setia,
Tak ada yang mampu bicara,
Bahkan rumput dan ilalangpun enggan bersuara,
Hingga inilah jadinya,
Jelas terdengar jasad rapuh ini berujar lantang,
Kuingin rebah dan leraikan letih,
Hari ini usaikan saja,
Sudah…
PASRAH TANPA DAYA
Daksaku mematung dipelukan sunyi
Tak mampu ku memecah sepi
Diam tlah menawan kata hingga tiada suara
Dingin seakan membekukan mayapada
Tiada lagi semburat semangat yang biasanya
berarak
Gelap melerai pancaran binary mata lalu
menyirnakannya
Membiarkan rasa terpendam dalam palung lenaku
Tanpa berharap asa dipaparkan lewat bahasa
mimpi
Aku pasrah dan tak berdaya
Meski kesekian kalinya rintih batin menyesak
didada
Seolah tak ada rongga yang mengapung di udara
Menyisakan kepiluan yang menyeruuak di tepian
jiwa
Hanya bisa pejamkan mata, itulah dayaku
Mencoba mencari ketenangan yang mungkin
disembunyikan gulita
Biarlah berkubang didalam kesunyian tanpa tepi
Karena untukku berdiri tegak pun seolah
terhadang dan sia-sia
PERGILAH, DEMI BAHAGIAMU
Kidung-kidung kesetiaan kian samar
terdengar
Bahkan ketika langit menurunkan
penghujan kala senja pun
Syahdu lantunan tembang-tembang tak
lagi menyejukkan kalbu
Tersisa bisikan angin malam nan
mencekam sebentuk jiwa
Biarlah kini hatiku merapat di
kesunyian
Menyudutkanku diantara kebisuan tarian
sang ilalang
Tanpa suaramu
Tanpa nyanyian jiwa yang merindukanku
Takkan pernah kupaksakan pelangi
terlukis di langitku yang kelam
Tak ingin ku meminta senja tertoreh
disudut cakrawala lebih lama
Sementara kuingin kau bahagia
Sementara kuingin melihat senyum
diranumnya bibirmu yang hangat
Memang tak pantas lagi bagiku
merindukan mentari
Ketika subuh masih malu-malu menyambut
pagi
Belenggu nafas gelisah dan mimpi-mimpi
yang berlalu
Membawamu hilang dalam keheningan
ruang penantianku
!* Pergilah kasih, carilah bahagiamu
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